Grief can be an extreme experience. Sometimes it is blunt and intrusive, barreling its way into every single moment of your day (and night) as it relentlessly assaults you with reminders of loss. Other times it is like emotional Lidocaine, numbing every part of your emotions in a self-protective effort to prevent you from imploding in on yourself.
For most people, the experience of grief fluctuates between these two ends of the spectrum. Some days you are being body-slammed by your grief, and feelings like rage and confusion abound. Then there are the days that you operate on auto-pilot, not feeling much of anything other than the cold, dark, emptiness of Numb.
And there is everything in between.
All of this is normal and all of this is grief. Grief is a journey, an ever-evolving practice of learning to live with loss. Everyone processes loss differently and grief is subjective—everyone will have their own experience of the same loss.
There are many resources available for people as they work through their grief. Some people look for comfort in community groups, connecting to people who are experiencing similar grief. Some people find peace and purpose in creating something that honors their loss. Sometimes people find themselves clinging to the past and/or pursuing ways to numb themselves, such as medication, alcohol, distraction, overwork, etc. It’s an unfortunate reality that while numbing the pain of grief may make the pain easier to handle in the interim, it will still be there waiting once the buzz wears off.
There are multitudes of healthy options to work through grief, such as those found in this Psych Central article, “Healthy Ways to Navigate Grief,” which suggests you utilize TEARS: Talking, Exercise, Artistic expression, Recording emotions and experiences, and Sobbing.
Talking about the experience is important. The feelings around grief won’t go away just because they are being held in. There is even research that suggests that when a person can name and describe their feelings, they are easier to manage; when they bottle them up, they feel stronger and more difficult to manage.
Exercise can help with grief in a few ways. According to “Finding Strength: Why Exercise Helps with Grief,” it not only helps to direct energy and focus into a physical experience but also offers tangible positive biological effects: “Exercise increases blood flow to your brain, allowing it to almost immediately function better,” said Williams. “It promotes several changes in the brain, including neural growth, reduced inflammation, and new activity patterns that promote feelings of calm and well-being. It also releases endorphins, which are powerful chemicals in your brain that energize your spirits and make you feel good.”
Artistic expression provides a way to express and process feelings of grief. Being creative has a slew of positive health effects like reducing anxiety, depression, and stress, so using creativity to express and work through grief is a logical exercise.
Recording emotions and experiences can contribute to a feeling of release from painful memories. Audio recording can be helpful here, but whatever form a person decides to use to record their emotions and experiences is valid.
Sobbing: Medical News Today states that crying is a healthy experience that has a soothing, self-regulating effect that relieves pain and stress by releasing Oxytocin—the “love” hormone—and endorphins, the same feel-good chemicals released after a great workout session.
While this is just a brief snapshot of healthy grieving, there are many resources available as a person finds their way through their grief. The only thing that will make the pain of deep grief less of a heart-piercing, soul-shattering pain, is time. Even then, time can only do so much.
See the links below for more resources on grief and grieving, and follow Has Baggage, Still Travels on IG and FB for more content to cultivate our best selves.